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Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples Online from 1995-2022 Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership. In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade. In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur. Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners. Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship. Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer. |
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How same-sex couples are treated depends on the state in which they are located, as well as on the contracts a couple has made. Because most states treat same-sex couples as legal strangers, it is not unreasonable to prepare for the contingency of separation with agreements and legal documents which address the true nature of the relationship. This allows the possibility of protecting the interests of both parties in the event of a parting of the ways. If the separation is amicable, there are many ways to settle affairs, including custody issues. It helps to write down far ahead of any separation the expectations of material divisions and other desires. This can be negotiated until both parties are satisfied. If the separation is contentious, both parties could agree to an arbitration or mediation process. Going to court should only be considered a last resort. If you wish to pursue a suit, know that courts have frequently been hostile to both parties, and the only ones who are guaranteed to leave a court with money are the lawyers. Once a separation seems inevitable, these steps would help toward a relationship dissolution: Immediately separate all financial entanglements, such as joint credit cards, phone and other utility bills. Make photocopies of all important deeds, wills, relationship agreements, etc. Keep the originals. If there are lawyers involved, they get the copies. Depending on how emotions are between a couple, use persuasion to be treated fairly, or use a neutral third party (clergy, family friend) to facilitate negotiations. Some lawyers suggest following similar procedures that divorcing opposite-sex couples follow; such as giving 60 percent of jointly-owned property sales to the homemaker, or the party with the lesser income potential. If a property, such as a car or house, is co-deeded — usually using the phrase on the deed: “Joint Tenants with Right of Survivorship” — splitting it does not depend on having any sort of spousal status. If not jointly deeded, is important to have some form of spousal documentation of the relationship — such as, wills, powers of attorney, domestic partnership registration, Civil Union.
If you have a legal marriage — and are lucky enough to live in the issuing state, or a state that recognizes legal marriage — most of the procedures for a legal divorce may be applied.
Please see our article:
This organization offers legal advice, representation and publications for lesbian and gay men facing orientation discrimination; technical assistance to attorneys; telephone advice and counseling: Every major U.S. city has a gay/lesbian business association with members who are counselors and legal advisers. Also consider the gay newspaper ads for legal and emotional assistance. |
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