Comparing Legal Marriage / Ceremonial Marriage / Domestic Partner Benefits by Demian © 2003, Demian In the United States, family units are addressed by the government according to their legal status, not according to commitment or duration of relationship. Legal marriage for same-sex couples is completely denied, which is why committed same-sex partners of 40 years can be treated as legal strangers. An opposite-sex couple, that just signed a marriage license, can have a non U.S. partner apply for citizenship, automatically inherit, become a legal co-parent, have medical say if their partner is incapacitated, and so on. Legal status is assigned through “legal marriage,” “ceremonial marriage” and various forms of “domestic partnership” laws. Legal marriage is a relationship between three parties — the two individuals plus the state. Ceremonial marriage, often called a “wedding,” is a relationship between the couple, their religion and/or their familial and social circle. This form of marriage — which is available to same-sex couples — has no legal standing. Domestic Partnership is a relationship between the two individuals and the state. Offered only in a few states, this status has widely differing effects, and is not recognized outside of the state of issuance. Many private and governmental employers offer benefit plans that are called “Domestic Partnership Benefit Plans.” Further, some municipalities extend some small benefits to citizens at large, calling them “Domestic Partner Registration.” Many opposite-sex couples engage in both legal and ceremonial marriage, but they are entirely distinct — legally and functionally — under our nation’s Constitutional separation of church and state. Because same-sex couples are barred from legal marriage, to simulate only a small fraction of marriage rights, couples can spend as much as $3,000 in legal fees and related expenses for documents that need to be reviewed about every four years, or at any significant change of circumstance. A marriage license usually costs about $35 and self-perpetuates. Opposite-sex couples are usually presumed legally married when applying for benefits, often without ever needing to show their marriage license. Same-sex couples applying for job benefits are often required to prove they live together, co-mingle finances, and intend to live together forever. Married, opposite-sex couples are not required to live together, can maintain separate finances; they are not required to even like each other. Benefits Triggered   Legal Marriage Ceremonial Marriage Domestic Partner Benefits Assumption of Spouse’s Pension Automatic No No Bereavement Leave in Workplace Automatic No Only certain workplaces. Must sign affidavit, often more requirements than marriage license. Burial Determination Automatic No No Certain Property Rights Automatic No No Child Custody Automatic No No Crime Victim’s Recovery Benefits Automatic No No Divorce Protections Automatic No No Domestic Violence Intervention Automatic No Only in some jurisdictions. Extra Employment Perks: spousal use of company gym; spousal use of company car or employee car lease program. Automatic when available No Only certain workplaces. Must sign affidavit, often more requirements than marriage license. Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death Automatic where available No No Housing Lease Transfer Automatic where available No Only New York City. Immunity from Testifying Against Spouse Automatic No No Inheritance Automatic No. Will necessary and is contestable. Ceremony could influence court decision. No. Will necessary and is contestable. Domestic partnership could influence court decision. Insurance Breaks Automatic No No Insurance Coverage in Workplace Automatic No Only certain workplaces. Must sign affidavit, often more requirements than marriage license. Joint Adoption & Foster Care Probable No. Often reviewed by court. Some states prohibit adoption and foster care. No. Often reviewed by court. Some states prohibit adoption and foster care. Joint Bankruptcy Automatic No No Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records) Automatic No No Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner Automatic No. Physician’s directives or powers of attorney are necessary. No. Physician’s directives or powers of attorney are necessary, with few exceptions. Reduced Rate Memberships Automatic where available Only certain organizations. Only certain organizations. Sick Leave to Care for Partner in Workplace Automatic Only certain workplaces. Only certain workplaces. Must sign affidavit, often more requirements than marriage license. Visitation of Partner’s Children Probable, depending on divorce decree. No. Often must go to court. No. Often must go to court. Visitation of Partner in Hospital (intensive care) Automatic Often prohibited. Physician’s directives or powers of attorney must be drawn Often prohibited. Physician’s directives or powers of attorney must be drawn Visitation of Partner in Prison Automatic No Only certain cities. Wrongful Death Benefits (Loss of Consort) Automatic No No Civil Servants and Military Employment Benefits   Legal Marriage Ceremonial Marriage Domestic Partner Benefits Access to Military Stores Automatic No No Assumption of Spouse’s Pension Automatic No No Bereavement Leave Automatic No No Insurance Breaks Automatic No No Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner at Military or VA Hospitals Automatic No No Sick Leave to Care for Partner Automatic No No Veteran’s Discounts Automatic No No Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison Automatic No No U.S. Government Laws Triggered by Legal Marriage Although the marriage contract is governed by state law, the federal government uses marital status as the qualification for more than 1,138 federally regulated rights and responsibilities. [Please see our: U.S. Laws for Married]   Legal Marriage Ceremonial Marriage Domestic Partner Benefits Immigration Automatic No No Social Security Survivor Benefits Automatic No No State Laws Triggered by Legal Marriage Marriage contracts are governed by state law. Every state makes their own set of laws that set the requirements for marriage as well as create the laws that are triggered by marital status. Click on each state for further information. Number of Laws Alaska 115+ California 300 Connecticut 588 Hawaii 160 New York 200+ Vermont 870+ Washington 200+ © 2003, Demian Further Resources Legal Marriage Report — Global & U.S. developments Quick Facts on Legal Marriage Legal Marriage Court Cases — A Timeline Marriage Traditions in Various Times and Cultures The Right to Marry Video Marrying Apartheid: The Failure of Domestic Partnership Status The Sweet Corn Shop    Products that affirm self-esteem and social equality.    A smart variety of Bumper Stickers and Buttons    for political impact, plus Mugs and Teddy Bears.    Purchases help support Partners’ efforts.