Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples
Online from 1995-2022

Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership.

In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade.

In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur.

Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners.

Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship.

Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer.


Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
Demian, director    206-935-1206    demian@buddybuddy.com    Seattle, WA    Founded 1986

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Quotes: Coupledom
© 2002, Demian


“We two boys together clinging,
One the other never leaving,
Up and down the roads going, North and South excursions making,
Power enjoying, elbows stretching, fingers clutching,
Armed and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving.”

       — Walt Whitman


“In fact, it’s perfectly possible to combine a celebration of the traditional family with the celebration of a stable homosexual relationship. The one, after all, is modeled on the other. If constructed carefully as a conservative social ideology, the notion of stable gay relationships might even serve to buttress the ethic of heterosexual marriage, by showing how even those excluded from it can wish to model themselves on its shape and structure.”

       — Andrew Sullivan, Virtually Normal: An argument about homosexuality, Alfred A. Knopf, 1995; p.112


“William Gilday, a member of the Christian Coalition, was horrified. He took the position that if you view this [Domestic Partnership] with a little tolerance, then you just don’t understand the problem. Gilday said, ‘It’s another step toward imitating marriage, and virtually every culture and religion in the world honors the institution of marriage. By imitating it, they minimize the concept of a husband and wife committed to raising the next generation. By saying, “Anything goes,” you minimize it and say, “It’s no longer special.”

“Now we have vast numbers of people shacking up and pumping out kids like bullets from a Glock pistol. About a third of the children born in America last year had unmarried parents. So, if Mom burns the pot roast or complains about too much football on the TV set, Dad can take a hike whenever the whim strikes him. And, in too many cases, who then ends up supporting those kids? Take a look at your paycheck stub and figure it out. I’m not in favor of any law that makes it easier for people to live like that, to treat their kids like that or to receive health benefits that all of us end up paying for one way or the other. Heterosexuals who produce kids outside marriage are the real threats to the institutions of marriage and family in this society.

“That's why it strikes me as fairly pointless to oppose a measure that would merely permit some gay guy to obtain proof that his partner is somebody he plans to spend his life with. Western civilization should be able to survive that. After all, it’s not the gays who threaten family and society with their domestic partnerships. It’s the straights.”

       — Dan Lynch, “Domestic Partnerships, the Real Problem,” Times Union (Albany, NY), February 26, 1995


“The reason husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they belong to different sexes.”

       — Dorothy Dix (1870-1951)


“Yard Sale: Recently married couple is combining households. All duplicates will be sold, except children.”

       — San Jose Mercury News classified ad


“Now it came about, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. And Saul took David that day and did not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even his sword and his bow and his belt. So David went out wherever Saul sent him and prospered, and Saul put him in command of the fighting men. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s officers.

“… So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, ‘May the Lord require it at the hands of David’s enemies.’ And Jonathan made David vow again because of his love for him, because he loved him as he loved his own soul.”

       — Book of Samuel (18: 1-5; 20: 16-17)


“Today we celebrate a union which is not legally recognized by the state, and for which the local newspaper refuses to run an announcement. Alan and Mark assert by their actions here that their love is its own authority. We know that we take a certain risk by creating rituals for ourselves in this way; for while men have been loving each other since Gilgamesh mourned Enkidu, that is not what our society expects of us, and we bear the burden of being different. So in addition to the normal stress of this day, and the difficulties associated with doing anything new or unfamiliar, in sealing our unions we face not only hatred and ridicule, but various forms of legal discrimination — and perhaps worst of all, invisibility.

“But life is short, and we must live it. If we avoided the challenges and risks of building appropriate traditions with the excuse that our path is an unpopular one, we would be like a bird that drowns itself in an effort to be more like a fish. Our only sane and honorable course is to be true to ourselves.”

       — Richard J. Rosendall in Words from an Unrecognized Wedding © 1995


“I regard the blessing of gay and lesbian couples by the church to be inevitable, right, and a positive good. We must be willing to relinquish prejudice and turn our attention to loving our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, supporting them, and relating to them as a part of God’s good creation.”

       — Bishop John Shelby Spong, Episcopalian


“Love between two persons, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to be treasured and respected. To love another, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to have entered the area of richest human experience.”

       — Cardinal Basil Hume, Roman Catholic, Britain


“Mothers and fathers must not be stripped of their custody rights on the basis of their sexual orientation. The right to parent should be decided by the courts on the basis of the quality of care provided to the child.”

       — Rev. Jesse Jackson


Love makes a family.”

       — Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG)


“When you see two women walking hand in hand,
Just look ’em over and try to understand:
They’ll go to those parties, have the lights down low —
Only those parties where women can go.
You think I’m lying, just ask Tack Ann —
Took many a broad from many a man …”

       — from “The Boy in the Boat” issued by Columbia Records, 1930. Sung by Bessie Smith.


“The Pledge of Allegiance says ‘… with liberty and justice for all.’ What part of ‘all’ don’t you understand?”

       — Rep. Pat Schroeder (D) Colorado


Quotes — Affirmations and Provocations on Same-sex Couples

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