Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples
Online from 1995-2022

Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership.

In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade.

In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur.

Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners.

Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship.

Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer.


Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
Demian, director    206-935-1206    demian@buddybuddy.com    Seattle, WA    Founded 1986

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Housekeeping Compatibility Evaluation
by Demian
© January 1999, Demian



If one of you loves the garbage pail detail, and the other loves keeping the toilet bowl lemon fresh, then read no further, this evaluation is not for you. But for most couples — especially those who lead busy lives outside the home — housekeeping can be a challenge. However, with a little planning, partners can jointly tackle the household chores without tackling each other.

This exercise can help you rethink the way you manage your household. A new approach to dividing or sharing chores might better suit you both. A change of routine can also add variety or allow you to learn new skills, such as gardening.

What share of the following tasks would you prefer to handle?
All or most = 1     A roughly equal share = 2     Little or none = 3

Circle those answers that are different from your current routine.
Record your responses independently, then compare.

Housekeeping Chore Partner
A B
Shopping    
Food preparation & cooking    
Bathroom cleaning    
Kitchen cleaning    
General house cleaning    
Laundry washing & dry    
Laundry ironing, mending    
Dishwashing    
Garbage removal    
Recycle take-out    
Bed making    
Home decorating, arrangement    
Yard work, gardening    
Household repairs & improvements    
Car maintenance    
Provision of family income    
Household bookkeeping    
Financial planning (e.g. insurance & investments)    
Childcare (if applicable)    
Child discipline (if applicable)    
Household bookkeeping    
Pet care (if applicable)    
Planning social engagements & outings    
Vacation planning    

Did any of your partner’s answers surprise you? Discuss those items where you or your partner are looking for a change, or where your preferences don’t mesh.

Where to go from here?

Decide on the best chore sharing scheme for your household. Here are some options:

  • Divide all the chores between you, take turns, or perhaps share some.
  • Do some chores together to share special skills, such as car maintenance.
  • Hire outside help or a professional service, if affordable.
  • Plan a regular time when you can do the housework together.

Take notes or keep it informal, but be sure to reevaluate your decisions after a month to make sure they’re working for you.


Return to: Partners: Table of Contents

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