Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
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I Love You — Leave Me Alone
An Intimacy Evaluation for Partners
© 1999, Demian

How close do you like to be to your partner? Do your closeness levels match? To discover your levels and compatibilities, take turns completing this evaluation, then compare your responses.

Situation Partner
1 2
1. If your partner has little in common with a friend of yours, you:
      A. see your friend on your own as often as you like.
      B. see them, but less frequently than you would otherwise.
      C. drag your partner along anyway.
2. If you loved to shop and your partner didn’t, you would:
      A. be happy to shop on your own.
      B. sometimes coax your partner into going.
      C. not go, but be unhappy about it.
3. When it comes to money, you prefer to:
      A. keep separate accounts.
      B. pool some and also have separate accounts.
      C. share everything.
4. When you and your partner go to a party where neither of you knows many people, you prefer to:
      A. circulate independently.
      B. circulate with your partner or not, depending on the party and your mood.
      C. stay close together.
5. When offered an attractive job involving a lot of time away from home, you would:
      A. go for it — you enjoy the freedom.
      B. decide after talking it over with your partner.
      C. turn it down in order to protect your relationship.
6. When you and your partner have a disagreement, you usually:
      A. enjoy a good rousing argument.
      B. compromise to keep the peace.
      C. have doubts about the future of your relationship.
7. Suppose your partner can’t make a trip you planned together and you can’t reschedule your vacation time. You would:
      A. go alone, or try to find a friend to fill in.
      B. spend part of the time away, part of it with your partner.
      C. take the time off, but stay close to be near your partner.
If you chose…

Mostly “A” responses: You are strongly independent and self-supporting, but you may have a fear of dependency. Consider cultivating more common interests.

Mostly “B” responses: You balance togetherness and independence. Stay on track.

Mostly “C” responses: You are strong on closeness and accommodation; but don’t loose sight of your own needs. Consider giving a little more rope to your partner and doing something adventurous on your own.

If you and your partner have very similar responses, your closeness levels are likely compatible. If they are markedly different, you may want to consciously address your conflicting preferences. What matters is finding a balance that suits you both.

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