Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples
Online from 1995-2022

Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership.

In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade.

In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur.

Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners.

Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship.

Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer.


Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
Demian, director    206-935-1206    demian@buddybuddy.com    Seattle, WA    Founded 1986

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I Love You — Leave Me Alone
An Intimacy Evaluation for Partners
by Demian
© January 1999, Demian



How close do you like to be to your partner? Do your closeness levels match? To discover your levels and compatibilities, take turns completing this evaluation, then compare your responses.

Situation Partner
1 2
1. If your partner has little in common with a friend of yours, you:
      A. see your friend on your own as often as you like.
      B. see them, but less frequently than you would otherwise.
      C. drag your partner along anyway.
   
2. If you loved to shop and your partner didn’t, you would:
      A. be happy to shop on your own.
      B. sometimes coax your partner into going.
      C. not go, but be unhappy about it.
   
3. When it comes to money, you prefer to:
      A. keep separate accounts.
      B. pool some and also have separate accounts.
      C. share everything.
   
4. When you and your partner go to a party where neither of you knows many people, you prefer to:
      A. circulate independently.
      B. circulate with your partner or not, depending on the party and your mood.
      C. stay close together.
   
5. When offered an attractive job involving a lot of time away from home, you would:
      A. go for it — you enjoy the freedom.
      B. decide after talking it over with your partner.
      C. turn it down in order to protect your relationship.
   
6. When you and your partner have a disagreement, you usually:
      A. enjoy a good rousing argument.
      B. compromise to keep the peace.
      C. have doubts about the future of your relationship.
   
7. Suppose your partner can’t make a trip you planned together and you can’t reschedule your vacation time. You would:
      A. go alone, or try to find a friend to fill in.
      B. spend part of the time away, part of it with your partner.
      C. take the time off, but stay close to be near your partner.
   

If you chose…

Mostly “A” responses:
You are strongly independent and self-supporting, but you may have a fear of dependency. Consider cultivating more common interests.

Mostly “B” responses:
You balance togetherness and independence. Stay on track.

Mostly “C” responses:
You are strong on closeness and accommodation; but don’t loose sight of your own needs. Consider giving a little more rope to your partner and doing something adventurous on your own.

If you and your partner have very similar responses, your closeness levels are likely compatible. If they are markedly different, you may want to consciously address your conflicting preferences. What matters is finding a balance that suits you both.


Return to: Partners: Table of Contents

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