Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
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Sex and Touch
© 1999, Demian

Sometimes sex is difficult to talk about. The worst time to talk about sex may be when engaged in it. This is because there is often too much pressure to do things right, or fears of sexual inadequacy.

Talking before sex, about how and when you touch each other, helps to make your feelings and sexual needs clear. Never assume your partner knows exactly what you want and need.

Listen carefully to your partner's needs without criticism. Sexual inhibitions take ages to break down, and can be resurrected with a callous remark. Tell your partner how you feel about particular forms of touch:

  • Some forms, like tickling or jabbing, are likely to inhibit arousal.

  • Other forms of touch, like a neck rub, feel neutral or good, but do not necessarily increase sexual arousal. Tell your partner about those forms of touch, or particular places, that are nice, but not a turn-on.

  • Everyone has special places, or a sequence of places, that most excite them. Tell your partner when, where and how you like to be touched for heightened sexual arousal.
Developed from suggestions offered by Howard Leonard, Ph.D., psychologist.

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